Monday, January 10, 2005

[insert title here]

Well, let's see ...

I figure I'm about due to post something just so you folks will have something different to stare at at the top of the page.

I'm still alive.

And still under a 1/20/05 deadline. Let's just say if I don't make some spectacular progress tomorrow, that date could be in jeopardy.

I plan on making spectacular progress.

You know how some athletes (and other assorted odd-balls) set a goal and say that if they meet it they'll shave their heads? Or maybe how sometimes they'll refuse to bathe until they meet the goal? (the 1978 MASH episode "The Smell of Music" with Charles' French Horn, for instance)

Yeah, well I'm not doing either of those.

What I have decided to do is to try to grow a full beard. I sported a moustache for many years, and then I had about a four or five year stretch with the obligatory goatee. (expressing my individuality by looking like everyone else, naturally) But I've never had a full beard. I tried once before, but only made it about two weeks before I got so scruffy that even I couldn't stand looking at me. (and that's saying something)

But that's not the biggest obstacle. The biggest obstacle is that I have a round spot on both cheeks (on the face folks, stay with me here) that doesn't contain but just a handful of those manly-beard-type follicles necessary to grow something that doesn't look like you had a shaving accident, or like an alien put crop circles in your beard while you were sleeping, or, well, just plain stupid. (like those mutton-chop sideburn thingies that were all the rage for a while back in the 70s. What were they thinking?)

Every time I try to picture my face with a beard, those two blank spots on my face have always gotten in the way. Unless I want to get real creative, but then I'd wind up with something effete or pretentious or affected or just plain stupid. (It always comes back to that, doesn't it?) Or worse yet, all of the above.

Anyway, I figure as long as I'm working so many hours, I might as well extract some oblique passive-aggressive revenge on my co-workers. Why should I be the only one to suffer? That plus I was just too lazy to shave this weekend. This morning I had a choice of battling four days of growth or just saying "Eh, whatever." It will come as no surprise to those who know me best that I selected the second option.

I guess I could get Mrs. A to take a picture every four or five days so y'all could track the progress, but then that would require downloading and copying and uploading and that sounds an awful lot like work to me. (Maynard G. Krebbs lives!)

We'll see.

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