Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Up, up and away in the Age of Aquarius

I think I'm way too literal for my own good. At least when it comes to advertising, anyway.

Six Flags has been advertising their new SpongeBob SquarePants ride recently - In 4-D! And I'm thinking, "No wonder I felt so ripped-off the last time I went! I was shorted a whole dimension!"

I can just picture the brainstorming session...
"This SpongeBob SquarePants license we snagged is a hot property. We need to capitalize on it by doing something new, wild and innovative. Who's got an idea?

Yeah, Lare, whad'ya got?"

"Well, we could make a ride that makes people think they're actually underwater..."

"Aw, c'mon Larry! I said new, wild and innovative. Disney has been doing that underwater thing for over thirty years!"

"Well, what if we built the same old thing, but ADVERTISED it with a catchy slogan that would make people THINK it was wild, new and innovative? That'd be way easier than actually coming up with something new."

"Go on. I'm listening. What did you have in mind?"

"This sounds crazy, but what if we told people that our new ride would, like, let them experience a NEW dimension?"

"Hey! You might have something there - 'The Fourth Dimension!' - I like it!"

"Uh, actually boss, time is normally considered the..."

"Yeah, SpongeBob SquarePants in 4-D! Call the marketing guys and get them started on that right away. People are gonna LOVE this."

"Uh, boss..."

"Well, what are you waiting on? Let's make it happen people."

So now you know when you ride the SpongeBob SquarePants ride, it will not only exist in space as an object with height, depth and width, but it will also TAKE UP SOME OF YOUR TIME as well.

Of course that's time that you'll never get back no matter how much the ride stinks.


What I really want to know is: Which of the four dimensions did they leave out on their other rides? I mean, talk about draconian cost-cutting measures.

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