Monday, May 24, 2004

My big, fat wife ...

Sweetie Face.

#1. Every couple has their inside jokes.

#2. I've been known to make outrageous statements just for the effect.
(Hard to believe, but true)

#3. My wife knows this and is sometimes kind enough to play the straight man for me.
(What a woman!)

We have a bunch of tapes of old radio broadcasts. Fibber McGee and Molly is one of our favorites. One of the bit characters who shows up from time to time is a guy by the name of Wallace Wimple. If you know who Droopy Dog is, you've heard Wallace Wimple's voice. And much of the comedy of his character was created by the use of dramatic pauses. You never meet his wife, but he talks about her constantly. Usually while looking over his shoulder to make sure she doesn't catch him. She wears the pants in the family and evidently is quite a bit bigger and stronger than Wallace, who is pretty much a wimp.

Anyway, he usually starts in by telling some horror story of how his wife has recently mistreated him and then he'll stop and say, "You know my wife?" with a long pause and then, "Sweetie Face?" And then he'll finish his story by telling how he escaped whatever torment she was putting him through and how he is waiting until she falls asleep to go back home (or something similar - part of the charm of these shows is their predicability).

One time when Wallace was telling how much bigger his wife was than he was, he changed things up just a bit. Instead of his usual line, he said, "You know my wife? My big (pause), fat (pause) wife? Sweetie Face?" And the audience just howls, shocked by what he said and by the fact that he had the backbone to say it.

This phrase has somehow made it into the Aardvark lexicon as a term of endearment. (As have several items from the Bickersons, another old radio program. Like the poem I used for our anniversary, for instance.) At no time has it EVER been used in a derogatory manner, although I know, on the face of it, that seems like an oxymoron.

So, it came to be, whenever my wife would call me at work and one of the other ladies answered the phone, I would sometimes respond to their, "Your wife's on the phone" by picking up the phone and asking "Is this my big, fat wife, Sweetie Face?" Refer to #1, #2 and #3 above. At which time, they would look at me like I'd just eaten a bug, expecting to hear the explosion over the phone. And then look puzzled when it never came.

Mrs. A has also been known to ask for me by saying, "Tell him it's his big, fat wife, Sweetie Face" (so that SHE could be the one to shock 'em - no reason to let me have all the fun). Which, come to think of it, is EXACTLY what she did the other day on her blog isn't it?

Gotta watch that woman!

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